Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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