How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize