its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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