i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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