I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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