11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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