She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
