You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
