just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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