I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
