I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
