When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
