great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
