he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
