i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
