Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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