Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the day after is always just damage control
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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