filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
