my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found a bag of teeth...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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