I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Vodka?
Forever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
