I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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