The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Holy sore nipples Batman
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
