his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
