Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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