i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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