Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
