that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
