She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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