oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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