grandma shit on top of the toilet
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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