just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
