I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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