so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
