You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
