We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
