you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
