Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
