fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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