You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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