If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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