your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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