Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize