I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Mom said you looked used
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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