how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
