you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
