Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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