VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
