One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
