he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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