people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
