the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
