Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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