Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
