omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
