and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
