I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
