textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
