girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
