tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
two words...techno handjob
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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