please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
