oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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