he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
