Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
