I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
MIDGETS
????
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
