Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
