Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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