How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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