you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
