you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Small penises have feelings too.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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